Christmas Poem

Ho ho ho it's Christmas Eve
There's nothing on the tele
All that's left for me to do
Is contemplate my belly

I'm having Christmas Home alone
No festive fun for me
No tinsel baubles shiny bright
No poor sad dying tree

No turkey death on the plate
No turnip, spud or sprout
No Christmas pud in alcohol
No relatives to chuck right out

Oh I've got my loverly choc Brazils
And my mighty mincey pies
Ive got the cheese and biscuits
Not telling any lies

I don't believe that Jesus said
Go get yourself in debt
Force feed yourself with Turkey
To honour what my life beget

I'm not even Christian
But would much rather see
A Christmas that was spiritual
It's got to be the key

So let's think peace and happiness
And goodwill to all mankind
And make those wishes happen
I think that we will find

That the revolutionary message
That Jesus bought to us
Would make the world a better place
So to all and everyone I wish a Happy Christ-mas

Broke Down blues

Woke up this morning
My car it didn't start
So I rang up the garage
To quote me for the part

I got the broke down blues
The broke down blues
My car it wouldn't start
I gotta use ma shoes

Went down to the garage
It's all down the hill
I gotta get the car there
Don't worry bout no bill

Yeah got the broke down blues
The broke down blues
Gotta get ma motor running
The mechanic needs his dues

Well the man with the spanner
He say the engines shot
Not gonna get it running
And it's gonna cost a lot

I got the broke down blues
The broke down blues
Can't get to see ma baby
Ain't gonna get me no flooze

So listen hear now people
If you don't want to pay
Don't be getting your hot wheels
From an auction on eBay

Oh I got the break down blues
Yeah the break down blues
Got no wheels a turnin
Got the broke down blues

Revolting students

The students are revolting
We said this all along
But are facing big bad coppers
With a slogan and a song

They want an education
They don't want some hopeless debt
So they've taken to the streets
To face up to the Met

The students are revolting
Some barely in their teens
Are taking it to Parliament
They know what anger means

They face the armoured bully boys
To try to tell Nick Clegg
Now that you've all lied to us
We're gonna make you beg

The students are revolting
By dancing in the square
All they ask of parliament
Is to make the choices fair

These children of the nineties
Can only make you proud
As you stand there amongst them
That dedicated crowd

The students are revolting
They're just your kids and mine
Let's make sure they've got a future
So stand with them on the line

The students are revolting
I'm proud they made the stance
Let's sing their higher praises
And join them in the dance.

Winter from a train

GeoTagged, [N50.89934, E3.37280]

It's icy on the outside
The fields go flashing by
Dark skeletons of tree branch
Against the darkening sky

White fields of icy sculpture
The grass an icing froth
Sheep huddled gainst the hayrick
The lakes a solid broth

Ghostly shapes emerging
From the riming mist
Bushes sparkling brightly
Whitely blushing, frost kissed

Quilted horses blowing steam
Above the icy stream
Trains hot blasting
Through this winter dream

England in the winter
A monochromatic view
From my speeding window
On the train right back to you

Landrover

Hey ho had to sell the landrover. Slight waterleak but to much to repair for me. £400 plus. Too much to put in a vehicle that only cost me £420. But with the work I did I got £750 back!

Winter train poem

My feet are slightly frozen
My nose is going blue
I've got a wooly hat on
I hope you've got one too

Cos the train is bloody freezing
It's getting rather cold
No heating in the carriage
The excuses are rather old

Can't understand why Its not working
Other carriages are warm
But hey this is Great Britain
And Great Western have got form

So a sub standard service
For a mighty mighty price
So we all sit here freezing
My toes are blocks of ice

No free hot coffee or chocolate
No refund of monies paid
Just blind indifference always
That's how profits are made

The temperature is falling
The windows covered with rime
There only one thing left to do
Men, I might be gone some time....

And now some good landrover news.

So the good news today is that the disco went to my local garage for a cambelt change, plus a replacement fan belt and alternator belt. The quote was for about £300 - which was reasonable a friend told me she was charged over £600 at a local garage.

But when I picked up the disco the bill came to )230 - result!

Well done Mark and team at Malborough Garage St. Levens Rd. Plymouth. I've used em for the last 5 years and they have never let me down. 5 stars from me.

Beware the Cowboy - a lesson learnt

More electrical drama with the disco.

So Jason fixed my land rover by sorting out the electrics for me and charging me £100 for the pleasure and looking under the bonnet it seemed like he had done a good job. All the wires were nice and tidy and of course it was going so I could drive it again.

Unfortunately I was struck down with a kidney stone and didn't get to drive the disco until last friday when I had to go up to the Hospital to pick up some medicine. On my way home I noticed that I seemed to be driving in a cloud of smoke. I soon realised that I was creating the smoke and yes once again it was coming from under the bonnet!

I stopped opened the bonnet and quickly noticed that I had a fire in my engine bay - yikes - panic!

So I swiftly ripped off my tshirt to put the fire out before it got out of hand (note to self - buy a fire extinguisher - quick)

Burnt tshirt

The cause of the fire was the shoddy workmanship of Jason the 'auto electrician' that had routed the cable over the exhaust manifold. - What a dickhead!

Here you can see what I failed to see

And this was the consequence

Jason, the professional that he is, once having been told about the fire and the damage, refused to answer any more of my calls or txts asking him to come and fix the damage cause by his stupidity. And I did ask him politely and I wasn't angry - despite the fact he could have killed me and my dog and burnt my disco to a cinder.

So fortunately I guy I know a bit is an ex military auto sparks and he did the job for me last night.

So the disco is back on the road and is booked in for the casmbelt change tomorrow.

Lets hope the dramas ease off for a while.

Costs so far:

Alternator £55
Battery £80 ish will dig out receipt when I have a minute
Electrics £100
Repair burnt electrics £30

Electricity clean simplicity!

No this isn't some sort of Modern Art this is the burnt wiring that caused my Disco panic last week when clouds of smoke poured out of my dashboard.

These are the wires that caused it. Not much plastic insulation left on them - most of it has melted.

Caused according to the sparks that sorted it by wires rubbing against stuff in the engine compartment and finally shorting out causing said plumes of smoke and stalling engine.

He also said if the circuit was a continuous one ie on all the time I would basically have been left with a pile of smoldering aluminum. As fire would have been a certainty.

That and the loads of seemingly diy wiring in the engine compartment. Now, of course, nicely squared away and shipshape like what they should be.

I'll take a picture when I can and post it.

So rolling total of spend on the disco

Alternator £55
Battery £80 ish will dig out receipt when I have a minute
Electrics £100.

Happy motoring!

Well who'd a thought it....

I've still got my Landrover!

For better or worse I guess. The story is this. Obviously the landrover was on ebay the last time I wrote and that was because it had an electrical fault. And the last time I wrote I was in the thrall of the ebay auction - should I take cash offers, should I let the auction run?

The bidding was creeping up and I was hopeful of getting a good sale what with 24 people watching the auction and well over 500 actually having a look at the page.

But DRAMA!

At the 20th hour, the auto electrician that had come on Saturday at the behest of a mate to give my Disco the once over txted me and asked me to call him.

So I did.

Turned out his mate had bought something else so was no longer interested in my Disco (remember they had bid £500 cash on Saturday - but I had decided to let the auction run) so he could come and fix the vehicle for about £100.

Result I thought.

So I took him up on his offer and closed down the auction. This morning I left the keys at a local garage (the one I usually use by coincidence - the electrician is a mate of the owner) and before lunch I had a call that my disco was fixed - all the electrics tidied up and bingo I'm back in business.

That I am pleased is a bit of an understatement.

The End Game

So the Land Rovers on eBay and we're entering the end game. There's 1 day 14 hours left as I write 21 people are watching the auction and someone has started the bidding at £400.

BUT I've had some one come and look at it for a mate. He was an auto electrician and he had a good poke around. Did some jiggery pokery with a wire and we started the engine. And even with the little I know it's a good engine. Only done 100k.

So his mate rang up later and offered £500! Someone else has emailed and tried the old well it's fucked I'll give you £400/450 for it. Well someone had already bid the £400 for it on eBay - duh!

So what to do? My instinct is to let the auction run and see where it goes. If I only get my £400 back - well it's a lesson to be learned.

I'd hope to break even ie get what I paid and the alternator and battery back.

Best case - make a little profit.

But we'll see.

Landrover disaster

Oh no! So I've put the new Alternator on. The got the battery tested. Need new battery. So put the new battery on. Drive off.

What's this the oil light is on. So check oil - that's ok. Hmm wonder what that is?

Get home. Sit outside with the engine running thinking about the oil light when the engine stalls and lots of smoke comes out of the dashboard.

Oh no - fire! What's that? Panic

No fire. But the disco don't start. :-(

I don't think I've got the ability to sort that and I think it could be expensive.

So the new Landrover Project is now back on eBay.

Sigh

:-(

The return of the Alternator 2

So here's the disco ready for the minor surgery I was preparing to perform on her on Bank Holiday Monday the traditional day for tinkering around with the house or the car.

I had all the spanners laid out and my latex gloves on. First it took pictures of all the important bits

Which I will add here

Then proceeded to remove said Alternator. This is pretty easy procedure although the nuts are a bit fiddly to get to with normal spanners even with a ring end. I need to invest in a set of sockets. (I did have one can't think where they have gone)

One I had taken all the fittings off the alternator still was attached by the wiring. So I took a pic of that too

So then disconnected the electrics and fitted them to the new alternator. Together with two black boxy things that were not on the new alternator but I guessed they should be.

Getting the alternator back on was pretty straight forward.

The whole thing took me about 1hr 20 minutes

The disco started - which was suprising as I thought the battery was down BUT it didn't seem to be charging (I've got a extraneous battery charge gauge on the dash)

Took it up the local quik fit andctheyvtold me the battery wasn't charging and the alternator was only putting out 11 volts. I'm guessing the belt was still a bit loose

So I got it home and tightened the belt BUT despite me topping up the water in the battery it hadn't enough charge to start the motor.

So the story stalls here until I swop the battery from my Rover 416 to see if I have cured the alternator problem but have got a duff battery !

The ALTERNATOR 2

GeoTagged, [N50.37694, E4.14095]

So this is the new Alternator for my Land Rover Discovery 200tdi bought from my local Alternator and starter motor shop. It cost £55 brand new unused.

So the Alternators from the carbreakers online cost £40 plus carriage. With a 90 day warranty. So that's gotta cost about 50 quid or more with the carriage.

So why buy a scrapper when you can buy new for about the same price.

So I went into Halfords in Plymouth City Centre to buy a new belt for the alternator. But left after a few minutes figuring that if the guy on the till cannot workout how to use the till to find the correct belt any advice or help I was going to get would be suspect. And this isn't a new till guy. He's been there a long time but the till was still beating him. Then in the middle of serving me he started to help someone else.

So I'm going to a proper motor factors place with proper grease monkeys on the till

Now I want to fit the Alternator I'll take pictures and post them here

OOOppps I just bought a Landrover Discovery 200tdi

Yes I did, I did it I bought a Landrover Discovery 200tdi with my own money, nobody forced me. I just blooming well did it!

Why you ask?

I did it because I was pining for my old land rover like a Norwegian blue pines for the fiord's. And it was a cheap bargain O'Bargain.

A picture will be posted later of course, because at the moment all I have is a picture of the Alternator.

O well if you do really want to see the Land Rover part by part here's the alternator.




But it will not be The Alternator for much longer because The Alternator 2 will be coming to a Land Rover near you soon. So enjoy while you can.

Tomorrow - the new Shock Absorbers, they're green and they are MEAN!

Yes I bought a Landrover Discovery 200tdi J reg (1991) the last Disco I had had to be sold to finance the D.I.V.O.R.C.E. and to keep the solicitors in Porches and Ferrari's for doing next to no work. (And nice work if you can get it I might add - much better than having an 'ology like me(

And it was cheap. £400! with tax, mot and off road wheels and tyres extra as well as the full set (5) of alloys. Diesels not smoky and runs great, leather seats. The inside trim is a bit ropey and mucked about with, the indicator indicator(?) is not working, but other things seem to be.

Its been lifted 2 inches and has front front protection things on it an all.

Of course the Alternator needs replacing but still that's only £55 new from the local Alternator shop.

So here start the adventures of Dr. Rob and his Red Land Rover.

Oh and I bought some trim wipes in the pound shop too.....(£1)

Mouthwash

57 Channels and there ain't nothing on

Stonehouse Plymouth

I bought a bourgeois house in the Hollywood hills
With a trunkload of hundred thousand dollar bills
Man came by to hook up my cable TV
We settled in for the night my baby and me
We switched 'round and 'round 'til half-past downT
There was fifty-seven channels and notin' on (Springsteen)

Revolution Baby - Whatever happened to the Heroes?

You say you want a revolution
Well, you know
We all want to change the world
You tell me that it's evolution
Well, you know
We all want to change the world

But

As soon as you’re born they make you feel small,
By giving you no time instead of it all,
Till the pain is so big you feel nothing at all,
They hurt you at home and they hit you at school,
They hate you if you're clever and they despise a fool,
Till you're so fucking crazy you can't follow their rules,
When they've tortured and scared you for twenty odd years,
Then they expect you to pick a career,
When you can't really function you're so full of fear,
Keep you doped with religion and sex and TV,
And you think you're so clever and classless and free,
But you're still fucking peasants as far as I can see.

Words and lyrics by the Beatles/John Lennon over 30 years ago. But given the economic crisis we find ourselves in why aren’t people taking to the streets. Where have all the revolutionaries gone?

Whatever happened to Leon Trotsky?
He got an ice pick that made his ears burn
Whatever happened to the heroes?
Whatever happened to the heroes?

Che (photo taken March 4th 1954 (my birthday!) by Korda)

The economy is down the toilet, we are in recession, the gap between richer and poor has widened and is widening rapidly, The banks have collapsed but the bankers are paying themselves huge bonuses while some people live on less than one dollar a day. Petrol prices are going up. Our politicians of all colours and in most countries seem to be bent, crooked, sex fiends, Nazis, Fascists and downright loony’s. We're fighting wars in the Middle East against what seem to be Medieval warlords and warriors with AK47's and an endless supply of IED's and we're losing. And who gives a fuck except the oil barons and the warlords who will taken any money off anyone and in the meantime we, you and I are paying for it. Plus the State is using all of this to tighten its grips on us at home in the name of security against terrorism. Hmmm, 20 years ago when the IRA were successfully exploding bombs all over the place as and when they wanted to I can't remember being stopped from taking photographs in London and other places because of 'national security'. And I guess even this blog might be picked up by some secret eavesdropping tool and my name get put on a list for even raising the subject.



The Stranglers (above) are right to ask where are all our heroes? Where are the soapbox revolutionaries like Lenin and Trotsky, the unnamed trade union, leaders of the close past that roared and fought for workers rights, people like the Tolpuddle Martyrs who were sent to Australia for the crime of 'association'.

Why is no one complaining about the state of affairs we find ourselves in? Is it because as David Bowie sings: The workers have struck for fame, 'cause Lennon's (or Lenin take yer pick) on sale again.". Is that a fortunate look into the future - to our reality where people are doped with religion and sex and TV (lets add the internet here also) and everyone thinks they are going to be famous and win the lottery or win the X Factor or Britain’s Got Talent (has it?) because its 'their life' - 'their dream'. So we don’t really care that the worlds down the tubes and we are still getting exploited and downtrodden whilst the fat cat Bourgeoisie bankers salt it away as long as some fat bird can hit a high note or a celebrity can dance?

Once upon a time I would have happily simply seen the Monarchy dissembled Let HM go and live on a nice estate somewhere and let’s use all that money for something else. I wouldn't want to go as far as the revolutionary Comrades did in Russia. And do away with the Monarchy. (and before you complain lets get this straight the revolution in the soviet union was a middle class revolution - it was not a Marxist revolution - there was not an industrial proletariat which is what Marx argues was needed for a revolution - that’s why we needed a 1st World War to stop the proletariat rising let them massacre each other in the fields of France - and by the way, Lenin’s Bolsheviks were a bunch of middle class academics as was Lenin himself ) Anyway where was I , yes lets not send the Monarchy to the guillotine they deserve to understand what its like to live on a council estate and eat £1 ready meals from Iceland.

As a political class we HAVE been emasculated, even the very act of voting and the electoral process has become a farce - just look at the way our politicians preen themselves and try to present themselves - not a single useful thought or policy amongst them . And I’m sorry to hark back to past thinkers but Lenin (or was it Marx) was right in telling us that democracy and voting is worthless, political parities simply vie to manage capitalism - they only offer us a different way to manage the same thing - Capitalism. And over a hundred years ago Marx told us that Capitalism was going to collapse under its own momentum - and it is. Marx must be rolling in his grave laughing his ass off as he watches the US becoming bankrupt - all the Western States are bankrupt - the whole system is based upon a house of worthless promises we call cash - we've seen it happen just in the last 12 months - its a House of Cards - worthless. Paper and promises that are worth nothing once confidence is lost. Notice not cold hard cash or gold, no confidence in whatever it is we call the economy or even those sheets of paper that tell us are worth five or ten pounds, if we lose confidence in the promise then we are lost and will go the way of Zimbabwe and its currency (and don't tell me the Mugabe is in any sense following a Marxist model - purleese)

I'm not even advocating a Marxist revolution by the way (Special Branch please note as this is important). What I am wondering is why o why is nobody shouting this from the streets, a hundred years ago we would have had riots in the streets about MP's expenses. Lynch mobs would have been out - the strongest critique of all these idiocies seems to be Steve Bell cartoons in the Guardian. And the 'disgraced' MP's probably will buy the original to hang in their homes , paid for, painted, moated, duck islanded, lightbulbed, protected, window cleaned, used as love nests by us - yes us - our money is simply being used (as always ) by this political middle class/aristocracy and NO ONE IS DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT.

Is it really this?
Keep you doped with religion and sex and TV,
And you think you're so clever and classless and free,
But you're still fucking peasants as far as I can see,

That we are so fucking comfortable in our MDS settees drinking Stella wife beater watching our 46 inch Samsung surround sound TV's that churns out tat like Eastenders, Coronation St, X Factor , Britain’s Got Talent ect eating delivery pizzas so that we can't be arsed to drag our fat asses out to the barricades and shout about the state of things.

If this is it. If this is the End of History - then I want out.

Making you aware of the state of things
A little introduction to the state of things
I'm making to sing about the state of things
They never taught you at school about the state of things
I'm telling you straight about the state of things
1-9-8-4 state of things
Cuts me wide open, the state of things
I am the reverend, I'll tell you about the state of things (Thank you Reverend and the Makers)

It takes a revolution to make a solution;

Too much confusion so much frustration, eh!

I don't wanna live in the park

Can't trust no shadows after dark
So, my friend, I wish that you could see,

Like a bird in the tree, te prisoners must be free,
Never make a politician grant you a favour;

They will always want to control you forever, eh!(forever, forever)
Thank you Mr Bob Marley

Happy Birthday Snook Doggy Dog

Happy Birthday Snooky. 2 today!

Tis the eve of my birthday.

Tis the eve of my birthday
And I'm lieing in my bed
If the year was really 1710
I'd probably now be dead

But now we Live forever
A hundred years or more
I've only got some 44
It sounds a wretched bore

So I'm now not even middle aged
Just over blooming youth
Tell that to my aching knees
And this niggling bitchy tooth

Tell that to the ladies
Or should I call them women
No all us hearty single men
Are obssesed with looks and slimming

Am I really all that bothered
Should I really give a shit
As I wait here for my birthday
I suppose a little bit

But this birthday time I'm single
Got no one in my bed
I tell you what I think I'll do
Is paint the bloody town red!

Happy birthday me!

Trees on the campus of University of Plymouth

To the trains

On the train poem

I didn't rite a poem
I thought that you were bored
But now that you want one
How my heart has soared

Shall I rite about the train
And of my little trip
Or shall I be all arty
And rite something really hip

Or maybe just a love poem
But valentines has gone
Let's see how many to rite to
Er yes oh right just none

So I rite a rustic poem
About the country fair
As it flashes by the window
Look there and there and there

I'll rite about the cows and sheep
And all that rustic stuff
And rabbits in the greeny fields
Little grey balls of fluff

I bet with all this riting
You really are quite bored
But really rustic poems
I'm not a poetic fraud.

Sent from my iPhone

Train poem - en route to London

Oh I've seen some little piggies
Wallowing in the mud
Did you really know
They make sausages from their blood

Now a few more horsies
And a farm just by a lake
And some trees and grass and stuff
And a wigwam goodness sake

It's all very exciting
The journey on a train
There's a browny river
By a little country lane

And now a barn in a field
And haybails on the grass
A great big stoney chimney
On the left as we pass

And then a little cottage
Flying past so very fast
And then a lovely Norman church
Reminders of our past

A White van making deliveries
Then a wooden style
Over a wooded footpath
That meanders on for miles

So this is what I'm seeing
On the outside of my train
The beauty that is England
In the pouring rain

Sent from my iPhone

Train poem 1 - on the train

I'm sitting by the toilet
I can even hear it flush
It's also a bit pongy
Of that bluey chemical slush

I might just eat my apple
And my can of pepsi coke
I'll be very very careful
In case I start to choke

The countryside is beautiful
I've seen a sewage farm
And horses in their coaties
Doing no one any harm

I've seen lots and lots of cowies
Standing around and farting
It's really them I blame
For all this global warming

I really should be eating them
To teach them a big lesson
But then I have to shoot em
With my great big Smith n Wesson. ( difficult rhyme there)

So there's another poem
I hope it brings you joy
And I'd better get a txt back saying
Brilliant brilliant boy!
X

Sent from my iPhone

Who has made the decision that we are all STUPID? SpecSavers?

Who has made the decision that we are all STUPID?


Ok so I have taken all the advice and I did go to SpecSavers (that my employers divies up some cash for my computer specs is nether here nor there)

But who has given the order that every customer must be treated like an imbecile or is it the fear of litigation that makes them spell out every little thing as if I have never worn glasses ever in my whole life? (I am 56 and have worn glasses since I was about 8 - so I have some experience)

First I'm told that I need varifocals (well they've been telling me this for years but I have resisted mainly on the grounds of pure vanity). So OK vanity is for Chavs and teenagers so I go with the suggestion of varifocals. But its not simple is it. First I have to have a demonstration. Hang on I gasp, a demonstration of what - of how to look through glasses apparently.

I tell the young lady that no demonstration is necessary just lets order the lenses and get on with in. No, Im told its procedure, she has to go through with the demonstration. I relent a little bit - she puts some plastic abominations on my face and asks me to look around. I do. Well? She says. Well what? I say. Any problems? She says. I say, no Ive been looking through glasses for nearly 50 years and have managed quite well without any training - please can we get on to purchasing the glasses. No, the demonstration isn't finished. I remonstrate and get the manager.

The manager takes me through a short explanation of varifocals which finishes with the advice that the varifocal lenses will cost another £150 over and above the £140 Im paying for the frames (BoGof)- Ah ha - thus the need for the 'demonstration' its to lead you to the finale and the payoff - another £150 in their pockets.

I refuse and get what I wanted in the first place. Two pairs of distance glasses one tinted for the sun and one pair for my computer vision. Sorted.

So today, I am back at SpecSavers. For my fitting. They have lost my glasses. The woman spends ages faffing around looking in drawers, telephoning people up (remember I am meant to be in work) until another woman opens the same drawer and finds the three pairs straight away - Oh how we laffed!

Then I'm fitted. This is what the consultant optician told me (and he gave me a leaflet)

1. Clean lenses with the appropriate Specsavers cleaning spray and micro-fibre cloth. He added don't use pullovers, shirts, handkerchiefs and so on. Obviously the advice of a man who has never worn glasses in his life! No, pants are softer - but not women's knickers because they have crinkly lace all over them - socks are good to btw.

2. Avoid putting your glasses face down on any surface - this is advice always followed to the letter for oh at least two days with new glasses - then who cares - get in to bed take them off sling them onto the bedside table, floor anywhere as long as you can reach them in the morning with out having to look. Why? Cos most of us are verging on being nearly blind and having to search for your glasses on a cold morning in ones underpants is not pretty.

3. Use both hands to remove your glasses to prevent undue stress on one side of frame. eh? Its often been the case when I have been in a romantic clinch that warming up very nicely that I have had to stop the proceeding's to remove my glasses with both hands (thus having to remove them (my hands) from some very warm and naughty parts btw) and then find a safe place to put my glasses remembering of course to avoid putting them face down.

4. Keep your glasses in the case provided whenever you are not wearing them. This will further reduce the possibility of scratching, protect them against breakage and will help maintain a comfortable fit - Duh. I've tried wearing them whilst they are in the case, but this has ended up with me scratching myself and breaking my nose from walking into things because I COULD NOT SEE. And who wants to carry around three boxes, Ive got my distance glasses, my computer glasses and my sun glasses. And anyway that's what the top of your head is for - to perch your other glasses on. Then all you have to do is to give them a wipe to remove the hair wax with the sleeve of your pullover or the leg of your pants or a table napkin what evers easiest - because usually I haven't bought or ever owned any SpecSaver cleaning spray and I lose the free micro-fibre cloth after about three days.

5. Avoid leaving your glasses in extreme temperatures. I never leave them in the oven - they flavour the pies - but I am worried about the four eyed brethren amongst the intrepid Antarctic expedition, what do they do? - or do their glasses fall apart at -30? Perhaps they just leave them in the box.

Yes being speccy was once a sign of being swotty and intelligent whats happened?

Plymouth dusk

 

London underground

Strange fruits in Paris

 

Reflections

 

Mat on Hoe

Dog on the hoe

BirdGuides Photo of the Year 2009

Hi,

I saw this and thought you should see it:

http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2010/1/28/1264696453754/BirdGuides-Photo-of-the-Y-011.jpg

Sent via the Guardian's iPhone application.

Get it Here

Sent from my iPhone

Spring

Wee wee

PostSecret Number of gallons of water saved in one year by peeing in the shower daily: 1,157

Sent from my iPhone

First Great Western Trains

I'm on the last train to nowhere
It's going awful slow
It will take just two eternities
To get to somewhere I know

Then if I get to Taunton
Two million light years yet
It'll only be three eons
Before Totnes I bet

And after endless ages
Have slowly gone astray
We might make Newton Abbot
Hip hip hip hip hurray

And through time and space an swirly stuff
To that timewarped Ivybridge
Where the sands of time stand stilly stalled
Well haul in the sails and luff

So the winds of time can blow us
Through centuries of time
If I thought it any quicker
I might have took the bus

And although this mighty traveller is grizzled and he's tough
The ages he has travelled have been hard and mighty rough
But he'll not roar and moan or get all nasty gruff
But please please please please please please please let me off in old
Plymuff!

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The Ice Man cometh

Welcome home!

Heerrumph this is me crossing Dartmoor en-route home after the sun, sex and nakedness of my winter sun break. Back to work tomorrow - Ill just pause for another hurump!

Lots of snow over the moors, but even as I was toasting in the canarian sun there was a little bit of me that was yearning to get home to see the snow. Its strange isn't it - how we Brits like our seasons. One often hears of ex-pats complaining that they miss the seasons in their parched part of the world and I slightly understood that.

I went for a walk through the local woods and I must say it was startlingly beautiful. The snow on the trees, carpeting the ground - I took some photos which I'll post once they are off my camera.

So back to work - harump!

The last parrot

This is the last post from Gran Canaria where I'm girding my timbers
cos I'm certain to be shivering em back in the uk tonite.

So this is a parrot, a captive parrot which I am not in favour of. But
at least it's not extinct like the Norwegian Blue. And here in Gran
Canaria I have seen a real flock of live parrots or parotkeets flying
around

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The last parrot

Naked Beach Volleyball

Ok you had it coming and it is my last main day. I wasn't going to
post much nakedness but couldn't help it. Here is the naked beach
volleyball I happened upon today. It was a shock. I don't want to
stereotype but I think they were all German.

This picture also illustrates the meerkatism that seems to inflict
these people as soon as they are naked ie the standing up legs akimbo
hands on hips stance showing it off to the world. And that's both
males and females and all nationalities not just the Germans - I am
not being discriminitory here.

I also went for a swim in the sea with a lot of naked people. I'm glad
I kept my board shorts on because the rip was so strong that I'm sure
some knackers must have been ripped off! Indeed just after I got put
the life guard made people leave the water or a least only paddle.

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Naked beach volleyball

Jacuzzi

This is a picture of the jacuzzi in my hotel grounds (ignore my feet
please) there are three jacuzzis. Sounds a treat doesn't it. And they
are heated to a nice barhwater type temperature. And I'm sure you'll
agree that people look relaxed in them.

Yes relaxing nicely in a warm soup of bacteria, germs, sweat and other
bodily fluids, urine, faeces, skin cells, DNA, dirt and and I can't/
daren't think what else. I'm not going anywhere near them!

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DNA jacussi

Cactus

Today, 6th Jan is Christmas in Gran Canaria And Spain - when the three
wise men leave gifts for the children. In Britain I understand that
the gift has been 6 inches of Snow and Bristol airport is shut. I
wonder if I'll get home this Saturday?

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Cactus

Pics

Sorry about yesterday I couldn't find a wifi spot so had to do it
today. I thought that because most of you are up to your armpits in
snow I would send some topical tropical pics. So this ones bouganville
from along the prom prom prom.

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Bouganville

My hotel from sunbed!

Windmills

The choice today folks was these great windmills made from drink cans
on the beach at Playa Del Ingles Gran Canaria (temp 29 degrees today)
or pictures from the nudist beach I seem to have wandered onto this
morning.

I'll tell you it is pretty surreal standing at a beach bar with naked
men and women next to you. And can you tell me why all nudists seem to
spend a disproportionate lenght of tome standing with their hands on
their hips. I have never noticed us clothies doing that on a beach. Or
why do they seem to have to do a lot of things by bending over?

Here's a fashion tip girls - a lot of women seem to be shaving their
bits - I can tell you for a fact it's quite disconcerting to come face
to face with so many outside of an intimate session with a girlfriend
or porno mags!

Having a great time - wish you were here!
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Drink can windmills Playa del Ingles

Gran Canaria

So here I am sitting on the pormenade in Playa Del Ingles Gran
Canaria. I'm surfing on someones Internet connect as there isn't one
in the hotel I'm staying in.

I sent the photo below after I spotted this huge arrow on the top of
the clouds pointing the way back home. Is that an omen or what? Or
maybe it's a regular sign put there so pilots can find their way back.
Who knows?

It's 18 degrees here at the moment. And it's 9:30 at night - bliss.
There's a huge full moon out over the Atlantic and I've got a big
bottle of cold beer.

I'm glad I could get my picture off though.

More tomorrow!

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Arrow in the clouds pointing the way back home - taken from the airplane

Happy new year

Below is the first picture of the new year and the start of my project. This is a sparkler sparkling after the bang and flash of a firework show in a field in deepest darkest Devon. Brilliant new moon bright enough to read the DTI instructions 'Do not set off fireworks after 11pm'  so let's start the new decade as we mean to go on - breaking the rules!!!!  Happy New Decade!

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Happy new year.