Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Danny Baker

This is my Danny Baker story. I'm writing it simply because I am pleased that Danny is still with us after facing up to cancer.

I once taught sociology at the University of Exeter. It came to my attention via the usual sources that the students had nicknamed me 'Danny Baker'. I'm not sure why as I don't think I particularly look or sound like him. Although I do recollect that at an OU summer school disco I was asked if I was Danny Baker by a rather nice looking girl. Obviously stupidly I answered in the negative and will never know if I could have got a shag out of a positive response.

Back at Exeter ( the obvious choice for student that had failed to get into Oxbridge or Durham) I carried on through the term knowing that these bright sparks were still calling me 'Danny' (perhaps it was my working class roots, or my accent which many placed as London but not cockney although I have spent all my life south of Bristol in the west country)

Throughout the term I planned my revenge. The last lecture of the year is the one where the lecturer might give BIG hints as to what might come up in the exam which he himself had written. So a full turn out was expected.

On the day the students hung on my every word, taking copious notes trying to decipher my words for the much needed exam hints. At the end of the lecture I summed up with - 'Now if there is just one thing you need to take from this series of lectures, the most important thing is this......the students sat, attentive, rapt, their pencils poised for my most important insight.

I switched the overhead projector on (yes it was a few years ago) and there in all his glory was a picture of Danny Baker!

'That is' I pointed at the picture 'Danny Baker, a big cockney twat' and 'I' I said, pointing at myself 'am the guy that's going to mark your exams!' I kept a serious slightly pissed off look on my face

There was a stunned silence in the room, lots of nervous eyes and shuffling, until I smiled at which everyone laughed with relief and the lecture series came to a happy end.

So that's my Danny Baker story. You can follow Danny on twitter @prodnose

Thanks Danny - keep on keeping on!

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Apropos of nothing

Apropos of nothing
I once went to Cornwall
To get a girl out of my hair
I went for the beach and the blue sky
And to hang out eying the surf with the dudes
As if I had no other care in the world
When I got back
The girl was gone
But the sand between my toes
And the rough slap of the sun on my back
Reminded me that some times love is the better option

Then another girl
This time Scotland
I went for the hills and the climb
And the wind on my face atop Nevis
I let the whisky dull my brain
The climbs dull my body
When I got back
The girl was gone
But the aches soon passed
And the souvenir bottle soon emptied
And my life seemed no better or worse

With this other girl
I had to go to India
I had to go to find myself
Amongst the shaddus and the gurus
Learning three thousand year old philosophy
Chanting and dancing with the disciples on the ghats
When I got back
The girl had gone
And I was still lost in myself
And three thousand years of thought
Were lost when I walked off the plane

With this girl Marta
I stayed at home...