Tuesday, July 17, 2012

The 2012 London Olympics

I’m going to the Olympics
I want to see some sport
I’ll probably ride my bike there
Not going on the train

I’ll take a lovely picnic
Diet Pepsi and some crisps
Maybe grab a great big Whopper
Big hat in case of rain.

I’ll put it in my great big bag
With my great big flag to wave
I’ll wear my bestest Che t-shirt
Vuvuzela to make some sound

Its gonna be a fantastic day
So sunscreen, beer and drum
All going in my great big bag
With my tripod, lens and snacks

I’ll cycle down the Olympic road
With my placard and my pen
Its shines a laser light out
It red and bright and fun


I didn’t get to the Olympics
I didn’t see any sport
They stopped me at the gates
And found me at fault.

They confiscated everything
My Pepsi, beer and snacks
They took away my great big hat
And wouldn’t give it back

They thought I was a terrorist
I’m up against the wall
They couldn’t understand
Why I had that bat and ball

They tried to take my T-shirt
Tried to rip it off my back
I couldn’t wave my flag around
Without causing an attack

There’s soldiers, cops and bully boys
Aggressive stares and macho stance
All waiting at the gates for you
It ruins the romance

Of building a peaceful and better world
One that we all can share
Through sports unifying message
It’s a sad corrupt affair

So now I’ve got a great big fine
For cycling in the road
And a criminal conviction
Plus curfew’ed to my abode.

For wanting to join in the fun
On that Olympic day
But in this country, now, today
Big business gets their way

Restricted Items list for Olympic venues

The following is a non-exhaustive list of restricted items which may not be taken into a Venue (LOCOG reserves the right to amend this list, generally, or in respect of any Venue or Session): food (save for baby food), alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages (save for baby milk and other valid medical reasons), liquids in containers of greater than 100ml in size, needles (save as required for valid medical reasons), animals (save for assistance or guide dogs), weapons (including knives), illegal drugs, other illegal substances, fireworks, firecrackers, poles, flagpoles, sticks, large photographic equipment (including tripods), bats, large umbrellas and other blunt instruments, motorcycles, bicycles, roller-skates, skateboards, or other types of skates, electronic transmitting equipment, flags of countries not participating in the Games, large flags or banners, horns, whistles, drums, rattles, musical instruments, lasers or any other devices that in the opinion of LOCOG may disturb a Session, objects bearing trademarks or other kinds of promotional signs or messages (such as hats, T-shirts, bags, etc) which LOCOG believes are for promotional purposes, counterfeit products, balls, rackets, frisbees or similar objects, large quantities of coins, lighters, advertising or promotional material of any kind, printed matter bearing religious, political or offensive content or content contrary to public order and/or morality, bottles or containers made of glass or other material, flasks, thermoses, refrigerators, large objects such as suitcases or bags, and in general any material that LOCOG may deem dangerous or that may cause damage or disruption to a Session." All confiscated items will be destroyed, it says elsewhere. I think the camera note is only for particularly large items and perhaps that's where the memory came from. Also remember that you can only use Visa to buy anything inside the park...no Mastercard. And absolutely no guerrilla marketing!

Monday, July 16, 2012

An English Summer

England in the rain rain rain
Summer gurgles down the drain drain drain
It messing with my brain brain brain
The weather is a pain pain pain

Its just precipitation
Falling on this nation
Creating hydration
And a damp sensation

It’s the constant plip plip plop
Of the rains drop drop drop
Will it ever stop stop stop
The waters slop slop slop

O it's just some little showers
It's just great for the flowers
But it's raining for hours
The clouds have superpowers

It's the splish splish splosh
Our worlds awash awash awash
Over my galosh galosh galosh
I don't josh josh josh

Theres a certain deliquescence
Of my personal assemblance
That creates a certain ambivalence 
To my soggy appearance 

Its just England in the rain rain rain
Pouring down the window pane pane pane
When the rains on the plain plain plain
I'd rather be in Spain Spain Spain

Friday, July 13, 2012

Welcome to the Olympics – Bloody Great!

There they are
Waiting at the gate
Bloody great big coppers
So full of hate

Hate for the workers
Hate for the women
Hate for the students
Do they call it a living?

There they are
Standing in a line
Bloody great big coppers
But they got no time

Time to listen
Time to think
Time for humanity
Their policing stinks

There they are
Looking cold as ice
Bloody great big coppers
Our frontline justice

Justice for the migrant
Justice for the poor
Justice for the protests
These rich mens’ laws

There they are
Waiting in the lights
Bloody great big coppers
Protectors of our rights

Right to come quickly
Right to get kicked
Right to go to gaol
If they say you’re nicked

There they are
The boys in blue
Bloody great big coppers
Got his eye on you

You’re a terrorist
You’re a threat
You ain’t got a chance
He can see you sweat

There they are
The men behind the mask
Bloody great big coppers
Taking you to task

Pushing at your body
Pulling at your hair
Packing in the kettle
They say its fair

There they are
The keepers of the peace
Bloody great big coppers
The Olympic beast

Say hello to chaos
Say hello to grief
Say hello to LOCOG
As you loose your teeth.

Bloody Great Big Copper!

Thursday, July 12, 2012

The Olympic Act 2012 or the Folly of Language during Summer 2012

I want to write a poem about the Olympics
But I’m told all the words have been sold
That someone had bought all our language
Its now illegal - or so I’m told

To write of the Games or the Venue
London 2012 to be sure
Can’t write Gold, Silver or Sponsor
The copyright rules will ensure

In this years twenty twelve Olympics
We can’t use our English outright
Coca Cola has tied it in law
They’ve locked our language up tight

Now expressions have to be listed
And words we use are all banned
We can’t talk about the medals
Without disrespecting the brand

Because the American sponsors don’t like it
Despite our Olympians bold
That the British people keep talking
About London, Medals and Gold

And its Faster, Higher, Stronger
Three words, the Olympic creed
Tied up in petty laws and restrictions
And in LOCOG’s outrageous greed

But during this sporting summer in London
In the year Two Thousand and Twelve
We’ll take back our language and spaces
As our freedoms they try to dissolve

My language is not a product
With a price tag, restrictions - for sale
I will write and say what I want to
Don’t like it? Send me to Jail!

The 2006 Act also introduces "Listed Expressions". These are in the form of two lists, A and B. List A contains the words Games, Two Thousand and Twelve, 2012 and Twenty Twelve. List B contains the words London, Medals, Sponsor, Gold, Silver and Bronze. Use of any two words in list A or any word in list A with one or more of the words in list B is not permitted.

The Olympic Motto: 'Citius Altius Fortius' / 'Faster Higher Stronger'. The Paralympic Motto: 'Spirit in Motion'

Using the words Games, Twenty-Twelve, 2012, or Two Thousand and Twelve, in conjunction with one of these words - London, medals, sponsors, summer, gold, silver or bronze - is also banned as is summer 2012" or "London 2012"

Factory Working

A factory worker I'm proud to be
Working class? Yes that's me
Work with me hands and with my brain
I do my bit I've no complaints

I've no complaints, although it's true
If I sit and think I've got a few
Me wages, well they are quite low
It's hard to know where the money goes

The hours are long and breaks are few
The work is dirty and noisy too
It affects me health, but I don't go sick
Cos I don't get paid and that's the trick

But there's overtime, I can do a lot
It gives me wages a healthy shot
But me wife and kids they have a moan
I'm always here, never at home

I'm a union man but I'm not political
I'll say me piece and I'll be critical
But my vote goes to them that helps me
I bought me house so I'll vote Tory

Now David Cameron he ain’t done badly
He thinks of us - the Big Society
So I ain’t no damn Labour bellyacher
I know we’re all in this together

Like I said I'm a working man
I'm proud of it and I'm sure I can
Get another job when the factory shuts
They say it's because of economic cuts…