Mouthwash

57 Channels and there ain't nothing on

Stonehouse Plymouth

I bought a bourgeois house in the Hollywood hills
With a trunkload of hundred thousand dollar bills
Man came by to hook up my cable TV
We settled in for the night my baby and me
We switched 'round and 'round 'til half-past downT
There was fifty-seven channels and notin' on (Springsteen)

Revolution Baby - Whatever happened to the Heroes?

You say you want a revolution
Well, you know
We all want to change the world
You tell me that it's evolution
Well, you know
We all want to change the world

But

As soon as you’re born they make you feel small,
By giving you no time instead of it all,
Till the pain is so big you feel nothing at all,
They hurt you at home and they hit you at school,
They hate you if you're clever and they despise a fool,
Till you're so fucking crazy you can't follow their rules,
When they've tortured and scared you for twenty odd years,
Then they expect you to pick a career,
When you can't really function you're so full of fear,
Keep you doped with religion and sex and TV,
And you think you're so clever and classless and free,
But you're still fucking peasants as far as I can see.

Words and lyrics by the Beatles/John Lennon over 30 years ago. But given the economic crisis we find ourselves in why aren’t people taking to the streets. Where have all the revolutionaries gone?

Whatever happened to Leon Trotsky?
He got an ice pick that made his ears burn
Whatever happened to the heroes?
Whatever happened to the heroes?

Che (photo taken March 4th 1954 (my birthday!) by Korda)

The economy is down the toilet, we are in recession, the gap between richer and poor has widened and is widening rapidly, The banks have collapsed but the bankers are paying themselves huge bonuses while some people live on less than one dollar a day. Petrol prices are going up. Our politicians of all colours and in most countries seem to be bent, crooked, sex fiends, Nazis, Fascists and downright loony’s. We're fighting wars in the Middle East against what seem to be Medieval warlords and warriors with AK47's and an endless supply of IED's and we're losing. And who gives a fuck except the oil barons and the warlords who will taken any money off anyone and in the meantime we, you and I are paying for it. Plus the State is using all of this to tighten its grips on us at home in the name of security against terrorism. Hmmm, 20 years ago when the IRA were successfully exploding bombs all over the place as and when they wanted to I can't remember being stopped from taking photographs in London and other places because of 'national security'. And I guess even this blog might be picked up by some secret eavesdropping tool and my name get put on a list for even raising the subject.



The Stranglers (above) are right to ask where are all our heroes? Where are the soapbox revolutionaries like Lenin and Trotsky, the unnamed trade union, leaders of the close past that roared and fought for workers rights, people like the Tolpuddle Martyrs who were sent to Australia for the crime of 'association'.

Why is no one complaining about the state of affairs we find ourselves in? Is it because as David Bowie sings: The workers have struck for fame, 'cause Lennon's (or Lenin take yer pick) on sale again.". Is that a fortunate look into the future - to our reality where people are doped with religion and sex and TV (lets add the internet here also) and everyone thinks they are going to be famous and win the lottery or win the X Factor or Britain’s Got Talent (has it?) because its 'their life' - 'their dream'. So we don’t really care that the worlds down the tubes and we are still getting exploited and downtrodden whilst the fat cat Bourgeoisie bankers salt it away as long as some fat bird can hit a high note or a celebrity can dance?

Once upon a time I would have happily simply seen the Monarchy dissembled Let HM go and live on a nice estate somewhere and let’s use all that money for something else. I wouldn't want to go as far as the revolutionary Comrades did in Russia. And do away with the Monarchy. (and before you complain lets get this straight the revolution in the soviet union was a middle class revolution - it was not a Marxist revolution - there was not an industrial proletariat which is what Marx argues was needed for a revolution - that’s why we needed a 1st World War to stop the proletariat rising let them massacre each other in the fields of France - and by the way, Lenin’s Bolsheviks were a bunch of middle class academics as was Lenin himself ) Anyway where was I , yes lets not send the Monarchy to the guillotine they deserve to understand what its like to live on a council estate and eat £1 ready meals from Iceland.

As a political class we HAVE been emasculated, even the very act of voting and the electoral process has become a farce - just look at the way our politicians preen themselves and try to present themselves - not a single useful thought or policy amongst them . And I’m sorry to hark back to past thinkers but Lenin (or was it Marx) was right in telling us that democracy and voting is worthless, political parities simply vie to manage capitalism - they only offer us a different way to manage the same thing - Capitalism. And over a hundred years ago Marx told us that Capitalism was going to collapse under its own momentum - and it is. Marx must be rolling in his grave laughing his ass off as he watches the US becoming bankrupt - all the Western States are bankrupt - the whole system is based upon a house of worthless promises we call cash - we've seen it happen just in the last 12 months - its a House of Cards - worthless. Paper and promises that are worth nothing once confidence is lost. Notice not cold hard cash or gold, no confidence in whatever it is we call the economy or even those sheets of paper that tell us are worth five or ten pounds, if we lose confidence in the promise then we are lost and will go the way of Zimbabwe and its currency (and don't tell me the Mugabe is in any sense following a Marxist model - purleese)

I'm not even advocating a Marxist revolution by the way (Special Branch please note as this is important). What I am wondering is why o why is nobody shouting this from the streets, a hundred years ago we would have had riots in the streets about MP's expenses. Lynch mobs would have been out - the strongest critique of all these idiocies seems to be Steve Bell cartoons in the Guardian. And the 'disgraced' MP's probably will buy the original to hang in their homes , paid for, painted, moated, duck islanded, lightbulbed, protected, window cleaned, used as love nests by us - yes us - our money is simply being used (as always ) by this political middle class/aristocracy and NO ONE IS DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT.

Is it really this?
Keep you doped with religion and sex and TV,
And you think you're so clever and classless and free,
But you're still fucking peasants as far as I can see,

That we are so fucking comfortable in our MDS settees drinking Stella wife beater watching our 46 inch Samsung surround sound TV's that churns out tat like Eastenders, Coronation St, X Factor , Britain’s Got Talent ect eating delivery pizzas so that we can't be arsed to drag our fat asses out to the barricades and shout about the state of things.

If this is it. If this is the End of History - then I want out.

Making you aware of the state of things
A little introduction to the state of things
I'm making to sing about the state of things
They never taught you at school about the state of things
I'm telling you straight about the state of things
1-9-8-4 state of things
Cuts me wide open, the state of things
I am the reverend, I'll tell you about the state of things (Thank you Reverend and the Makers)

It takes a revolution to make a solution;

Too much confusion so much frustration, eh!

I don't wanna live in the park

Can't trust no shadows after dark
So, my friend, I wish that you could see,

Like a bird in the tree, te prisoners must be free,
Never make a politician grant you a favour;

They will always want to control you forever, eh!(forever, forever)
Thank you Mr Bob Marley

Happy Birthday Snook Doggy Dog

Happy Birthday Snooky. 2 today!

Tis the eve of my birthday.

Tis the eve of my birthday
And I'm lieing in my bed
If the year was really 1710
I'd probably now be dead

But now we Live forever
A hundred years or more
I've only got some 44
It sounds a wretched bore

So I'm now not even middle aged
Just over blooming youth
Tell that to my aching knees
And this niggling bitchy tooth

Tell that to the ladies
Or should I call them women
No all us hearty single men
Are obssesed with looks and slimming

Am I really all that bothered
Should I really give a shit
As I wait here for my birthday
I suppose a little bit

But this birthday time I'm single
Got no one in my bed
I tell you what I think I'll do
Is paint the bloody town red!

Happy birthday me!

Trees on the campus of University of Plymouth

To the trains

On the train poem

I didn't rite a poem
I thought that you were bored
But now that you want one
How my heart has soared

Shall I rite about the train
And of my little trip
Or shall I be all arty
And rite something really hip

Or maybe just a love poem
But valentines has gone
Let's see how many to rite to
Er yes oh right just none

So I rite a rustic poem
About the country fair
As it flashes by the window
Look there and there and there

I'll rite about the cows and sheep
And all that rustic stuff
And rabbits in the greeny fields
Little grey balls of fluff

I bet with all this riting
You really are quite bored
But really rustic poems
I'm not a poetic fraud.

Sent from my iPhone

Train poem - en route to London

Oh I've seen some little piggies
Wallowing in the mud
Did you really know
They make sausages from their blood

Now a few more horsies
And a farm just by a lake
And some trees and grass and stuff
And a wigwam goodness sake

It's all very exciting
The journey on a train
There's a browny river
By a little country lane

And now a barn in a field
And haybails on the grass
A great big stoney chimney
On the left as we pass

And then a little cottage
Flying past so very fast
And then a lovely Norman church
Reminders of our past

A White van making deliveries
Then a wooden style
Over a wooded footpath
That meanders on for miles

So this is what I'm seeing
On the outside of my train
The beauty that is England
In the pouring rain

Sent from my iPhone

Train poem 1 - on the train

I'm sitting by the toilet
I can even hear it flush
It's also a bit pongy
Of that bluey chemical slush

I might just eat my apple
And my can of pepsi coke
I'll be very very careful
In case I start to choke

The countryside is beautiful
I've seen a sewage farm
And horses in their coaties
Doing no one any harm

I've seen lots and lots of cowies
Standing around and farting
It's really them I blame
For all this global warming

I really should be eating them
To teach them a big lesson
But then I have to shoot em
With my great big Smith n Wesson. ( difficult rhyme there)

So there's another poem
I hope it brings you joy
And I'd better get a txt back saying
Brilliant brilliant boy!
X

Sent from my iPhone

Who has made the decision that we are all STUPID? SpecSavers?

Who has made the decision that we are all STUPID?


Ok so I have taken all the advice and I did go to SpecSavers (that my employers divies up some cash for my computer specs is nether here nor there)

But who has given the order that every customer must be treated like an imbecile or is it the fear of litigation that makes them spell out every little thing as if I have never worn glasses ever in my whole life? (I am 56 and have worn glasses since I was about 8 - so I have some experience)

First I'm told that I need varifocals (well they've been telling me this for years but I have resisted mainly on the grounds of pure vanity). So OK vanity is for Chavs and teenagers so I go with the suggestion of varifocals. But its not simple is it. First I have to have a demonstration. Hang on I gasp, a demonstration of what - of how to look through glasses apparently.

I tell the young lady that no demonstration is necessary just lets order the lenses and get on with in. No, Im told its procedure, she has to go through with the demonstration. I relent a little bit - she puts some plastic abominations on my face and asks me to look around. I do. Well? She says. Well what? I say. Any problems? She says. I say, no Ive been looking through glasses for nearly 50 years and have managed quite well without any training - please can we get on to purchasing the glasses. No, the demonstration isn't finished. I remonstrate and get the manager.

The manager takes me through a short explanation of varifocals which finishes with the advice that the varifocal lenses will cost another £150 over and above the £140 Im paying for the frames (BoGof)- Ah ha - thus the need for the 'demonstration' its to lead you to the finale and the payoff - another £150 in their pockets.

I refuse and get what I wanted in the first place. Two pairs of distance glasses one tinted for the sun and one pair for my computer vision. Sorted.

So today, I am back at SpecSavers. For my fitting. They have lost my glasses. The woman spends ages faffing around looking in drawers, telephoning people up (remember I am meant to be in work) until another woman opens the same drawer and finds the three pairs straight away - Oh how we laffed!

Then I'm fitted. This is what the consultant optician told me (and he gave me a leaflet)

1. Clean lenses with the appropriate Specsavers cleaning spray and micro-fibre cloth. He added don't use pullovers, shirts, handkerchiefs and so on. Obviously the advice of a man who has never worn glasses in his life! No, pants are softer - but not women's knickers because they have crinkly lace all over them - socks are good to btw.

2. Avoid putting your glasses face down on any surface - this is advice always followed to the letter for oh at least two days with new glasses - then who cares - get in to bed take them off sling them onto the bedside table, floor anywhere as long as you can reach them in the morning with out having to look. Why? Cos most of us are verging on being nearly blind and having to search for your glasses on a cold morning in ones underpants is not pretty.

3. Use both hands to remove your glasses to prevent undue stress on one side of frame. eh? Its often been the case when I have been in a romantic clinch that warming up very nicely that I have had to stop the proceeding's to remove my glasses with both hands (thus having to remove them (my hands) from some very warm and naughty parts btw) and then find a safe place to put my glasses remembering of course to avoid putting them face down.

4. Keep your glasses in the case provided whenever you are not wearing them. This will further reduce the possibility of scratching, protect them against breakage and will help maintain a comfortable fit - Duh. I've tried wearing them whilst they are in the case, but this has ended up with me scratching myself and breaking my nose from walking into things because I COULD NOT SEE. And who wants to carry around three boxes, Ive got my distance glasses, my computer glasses and my sun glasses. And anyway that's what the top of your head is for - to perch your other glasses on. Then all you have to do is to give them a wipe to remove the hair wax with the sleeve of your pullover or the leg of your pants or a table napkin what evers easiest - because usually I haven't bought or ever owned any SpecSaver cleaning spray and I lose the free micro-fibre cloth after about three days.

5. Avoid leaving your glasses in extreme temperatures. I never leave them in the oven - they flavour the pies - but I am worried about the four eyed brethren amongst the intrepid Antarctic expedition, what do they do? - or do their glasses fall apart at -30? Perhaps they just leave them in the box.

Yes being speccy was once a sign of being swotty and intelligent whats happened?