The 2012 London Olympics

I’m going to the Olympics
I want to see some sport
I’ll probably ride my bike there
Not going on the train

I’ll take a lovely picnic
Diet Pepsi and some crisps
Maybe grab a great big Whopper
Big hat in case of rain.

I’ll put it in my great big bag
With my great big flag to wave
I’ll wear my bestest Che t-shirt
Vuvuzela to make some sound

Its gonna be a fantastic day
So sunscreen, beer and drum
All going in my great big bag
With my tripod, lens and snacks

I’ll cycle down the Olympic road
With my placard and my pen
Its shines a laser light out
It red and bright and fun

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I didn’t get to the Olympics
I didn’t see any sport
They stopped me at the gates
And found me at fault.

They confiscated everything
My Pepsi, beer and snacks
They took away my great big hat
And wouldn’t give it back

They thought I was a terrorist
I’m up against the wall
They couldn’t understand
Why I had that bat and ball

They tried to take my T-shirt
Tried to rip it off my back
I couldn’t wave my flag around
Without causing an attack

There’s soldiers, cops and bully boys
Aggressive stares and macho stance
All waiting at the gates for you
It ruins the romance

Of building a peaceful and better world
One that we all can share
Through sports unifying message
It’s a sad corrupt affair

So now I’ve got a great big fine
For cycling in the road
And a criminal conviction
Plus curfew’ed to my abode.

For wanting to join in the fun
On that Olympic day
But in this country, now, today
Big business gets their way


Restricted Items list for Olympic venues

The following is a non-exhaustive list of restricted items which may not be taken into a Venue (LOCOG reserves the right to amend this list, generally, or in respect of any Venue or Session): food (save for baby food), alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages (save for baby milk and other valid medical reasons), liquids in containers of greater than 100ml in size, needles (save as required for valid medical reasons), animals (save for assistance or guide dogs), weapons (including knives), illegal drugs, other illegal substances, fireworks, firecrackers, poles, flagpoles, sticks, large photographic equipment (including tripods), bats, large umbrellas and other blunt instruments, motorcycles, bicycles, roller-skates, skateboards, or other types of skates, electronic transmitting equipment, flags of countries not participating in the Games, large flags or banners, horns, whistles, drums, rattles, musical instruments, lasers or any other devices that in the opinion of LOCOG may disturb a Session, objects bearing trademarks or other kinds of promotional signs or messages (such as hats, T-shirts, bags, etc) which LOCOG believes are for promotional purposes, counterfeit products, balls, rackets, frisbees or similar objects, large quantities of coins, lighters, advertising or promotional material of any kind, printed matter bearing religious, political or offensive content or content contrary to public order and/or morality, bottles or containers made of glass or other material, flasks, thermoses, refrigerators, large objects such as suitcases or bags, and in general any material that LOCOG may deem dangerous or that may cause damage or disruption to a Session." All confiscated items will be destroyed, it says elsewhere. I think the camera note is only for particularly large items and perhaps that's where the memory came from. Also remember that you can only use Visa to buy anything inside the park...no Mastercard. And absolutely no guerrilla marketing!

An English Summer

England in the rain rain rain

Summer gurgles down the drain drain drain

It messing with my brain brain brain

The weather is a pain pain pain

Its just precipitation

Falling on this nation

Creating hydration

And a damp sensation

It’s the constant plip plip plop

Of the rains drop drop drop

Will it ever stop stop stop

The waters slop slop slop

O it's just some little showers

It's just great for the flowers

But it's raining for hours

The clouds have superpowers

It's the splish splish splosh

Our worlds awash awash awash

Over my galosh galosh galosh

I don't josh josh josh

Theres a certain deliquescence

Of my personal assemblance

That creates a certain ambivalence 

To my soggy appearance 

Its just England in the rain rain rain

Pouring down the window pane pane pane

When the rains on the plain plain plain

I'd rather be in Spain Spain Spain

Welcome to the Olympics – Bloody Great!

There they are

Waiting at the gate

Bloody great big coppers

So full of hate

Hate for the workers

Hate for the women

Hate for the students

Do they call it a living?

There they are

Standing in a line

Bloody great big coppers

But they got no time

Time to listen

Time to think

Time for humanity

Their policing stinks

There they are

Looking cold as ice

Bloody great big coppers

Our frontline justice

Justice for the migrant

Justice for the poor

Justice for the protests

These rich mens’ laws

There they are

Waiting in the lights

Bloody great big coppers

Protectors of our rights

Right to come quickly

Right to get kicked

Right to go to gaol

If they say you’re nicked

There they are

The boys in blue

Bloody great big coppers

Got his eye on you

You’re a terrorist

You’re a threat

You ain’t got a chance

He can see you sweat

There they are

The men behind the mask

Bloody great big coppers

Taking you to task

Pushing at your body

Pulling at your hair

Packing in the kettle

They say its fair

There they are

The keepers of the peace

Bloody great big coppers

The Olympic beast

Say hello to chaos

Say hello to grief

Say hello to LOCOG

As you loose your teeth.

Bloody Great Big Copper!

The Olympic Act 2012 or the Folly of Language during Summer 2012

I want to write a poem about the Olympics

But I’m told all the words have been sold

That someone had bought all our language

Its now illegal - or so I’m told

To write of the Games or the Venue

London 2012 to be sure

Can’t write Gold, Silver or Sponsor

The copyright rules will ensure

In this years twenty twelve Olympics

We can’t use our English outright

Coca Cola has tied it in law

They’ve locked our language up tight

Now expressions have to be listed

And words we use are all banned

We can’t talk about the medals

Without disrespecting the brand

Because the American sponsors don’t like it

Despite our Olympians bold

That the British people keep talking

About London, Medals and Gold

And its Faster, Higher, Stronger

Three words, the Olympic creed

Tied up in petty laws and restrictions

And in LOCOG’s outrageous greed

But during this sporting summer in London

In the year Two Thousand and Twelve

We’ll take back our language and spaces

As our freedoms they try to dissolve

My language is not a product

With a price tag, restrictions - for sale

I will write and say what I want to

Don’t like it? Send me to Jail!

The 2006 Act also introduces "Listed Expressions". These are in the form of two lists, A and B. List A contains the words Games, Two Thousand and Twelve, 2012 and Twenty Twelve. List B contains the words London, Medals, Sponsor, Gold, Silver and Bronze. Use of any two words in list A or any word in list A with one or more of the words in list B is not permitted.

Including:

The Olympic Motto: 'Citius Altius Fortius' / 'Faster Higher Stronger'. The Paralympic Motto: 'Spirit in Motion'

Using the words Games, Twenty-Twelve, 2012, or Two Thousand and Twelve, in conjunction with one of these words - London, medals, sponsors, summer, gold, silver or bronze - is also banned as is summer 2012" or "London 2012"

http://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2006/12/contents

Factory Working

A factory worker I'm proud to be

Working class? Yes that's me

Work with me hands and with my brain

I do my bit I've no complaints

I've no complaints, although it's true

If I sit and think I've got a few

Me wages, well they are quite low

It's hard to know where the money goes

The hours are long and breaks are few

The work is dirty and noisy too

It affects me health, but I don't go sick

Cos I don't get paid and that's the trick

But there's overtime, I can do a lot

It gives me wages a healthy shot

But me wife and kids they have a moan

I'm always here, never at home

I'm a union man but I'm not political

I'll say me piece and I'll be critical

But my vote goes to them that helps me

I bought me house so I'll vote Tory

Now David Cameron he ain’t done badly

He thinks of us - the Big Society

So I ain’t no damn Labour bellyacher

I know we’re all in this together

Like I said I'm a working man

I'm proud of it and I'm sure I can

Get another job when the factory shuts

They say it's because of economic cuts…