Bird Flu

I'm waiting for the virus
I'm waiting for the cough
I'm waiting for the Bird Flu
Just to pop me off

I'll have a runny nose
And a roaring red sore throat
I'll want a pound of grapes or two
I'll probably start to bloat

So bring me heinz tomato soup
And a mansize box of tissues
Books and mags and lucozade
Write this down now, I've got issues

Send all the swans to Swanage
The ducks to far Peking
The geese re route to Canada
Get the chickens on the wing

Turn the emus into handbags
Smash all the ostrich eggs
Fill the Blue Mosque full of turkeys
Please heed these word I beg

Before I get the sniffles
Send all the swallows home
Send a hundred million pigeon pies
To the Monsegniours in Rome

Lets burn the feather dusters
And spoil the birdsnest soup
Lets send the seagulls out to sea
Before I get the croup

I'm just waiting for the virus
Ducking the sparrows sneeze
I'm feeling rather heady
Hush - Is that a wheeze

I'll give me just a week or two
Before the virus hits
But before the bastard gets me
I'm offing all the tits!