My bags are packed and I'm ready to go

Packing for a holiday is fun isn’t it? It draws upon all the laws of physics and bends them just a little, like how does one take 30 kilo’s of clothes and stuff them into a suitcase so that the combined weight is only 20 kilos? This is what my wife has been struggling with over the past few days.

We think we will be OK because as there are 4 of us in the family the total baggage allowance will be 80 kilos plus the 40 kilos allowed as hand baggage, but as more and more things are dragged out of the wardrobes and other hidey holes, I start to worry. I worry because I know my mother has another suitcase waiting for us at her house of unwanted clothing which we will take to Ukraine to dole out amongst the family. She tells me that this is another 11 kilos. I worry because the excess baggage payment could eat severely into our spending money.

My wife wants us to dump the three sets of snorkelling equipment from the boys suitcases to enable her to fill it with more stuff and clothes, as she has to have an item of clothing for every eventuality including the sudden onset of the ice age – this in a country where the temperatures are currently in the 30s. The boys and I will be allowed, it seems a pair of shorts, a pair of trousers and a few t shirts, maybe a more formal shortsleeve shirt for me (for meeting the parents as if they have never seen me in a t shirt!), plus our swimming things and some pants. (I have secretly put my books under the clothes she has already packed – snigger)

Talking about pants (undergarments for our American friends) I am currently wearing my holiest (or should that be holeyest) pair as all my clean pairs are packed ready for the big day. That’s the thing about going away; one doesn’t want to dirty the clothes set aside for the hols and have to wash stuff when one’s away. Really someone should re-invent paper pants for holidays, so every night one could just throw them away, use them to light the barbecue or what ever and next morning just tear a new pair off the roll. Isn’t that a great idea, remember paper pant manufacturers you heard it here first – I want my cut!

Last night I experienced severe stomach pains, the immediate urgent need to rush to the loo before I soiled myself, sweating, dizziness and uncontrollable swearing!

Yes I had lost the airplane tickets.

Well not so much lost as misplaced. I always keep the tickets in the envelope they came in (Purchased off the net - O and if you do need to purchase airplane tickets please do so through the links on my website www.ukraine-4u.com you will find the cheapest deals there and in that way I will receive a little bit of money off the airlines/agents, at no extra cost to you, and it helps me keep this informative site up and running – thanks) Yes, I always keep the tickets in the envelope on top of some books in the bookcase, I know they are there, I can see them on a regular basis. So last night I took the envelope down and IT WAS EMPTY!!!!!

Panic ensued!

I experienced all the symptoms listed above and probably some more, in fact I did notice that my hair had got greyer this morning when I looked in the mirror, as I frantically started searching for the tickets, which after about 10 minutes of frantic looking my wife found, on the bottom shelf of the bookcase, under my daughters crayon box. – How did they get there? I quizzed the family – dumb insolence was the response – no one knew.

Well I hadn’t put them there, the rest of the family denied it, and so the only explanation is that someone or other crept into our house with the sole purpose of moving the airline tickets from their usual place to somewhere more unusual.

And if you were that person or something or other – STAY OUTTA MY HOUSE.

I need a holiday