Xenophobe - moi?

Hello, back again, as usual if I am away, it’s probably because of work. Yes indeedy some of us bloggers do in fact have to earn a crust now and then – our bosses expect it of us.

You know when I am driving around this glorious country of ours, my mind is often occupied thinking about subjects for the blog. Something witty, erudite, accomplished even! Of course some of my Brain is also occupied with driving, maybe 5% of my central processing system is given over to that task – actually driving. 10% on the look out for cops and speed traps, 20% juggling the coffee and cakes on my lap, another 20% given over to the pop quiz on the radio and that leaves a massive 45% of my mind left over to think about blogs. So why can’t I think of anything…

My house is currently full of foreigners. No xenophobe me! My home should be an example to the United Nations on how people from all creeds, countries and races can live together (albeit briefly) in total harmony – we’re like a Coca Cola advert, us. At the moment there is my wife and her two kids, who are, if you remember, Ukrainians and we also have 3 hulking great French teenagers – male, 18 year old university students. We are putting them up for three nights while they are in Plymouth on some sort of trip, visiting stuff.

We have to feed them as well. So of course I wanted to make them feel at home so we made a trip to the supermarkets to get food for these boys. There must be quite a few of them in Plymouth because we could not find any horsemeat, frogs legs or snails anywhere – the shelves were empty, even in Lidl which is full of that foreign muck! Plenty of garlic though! I think frogs may be out of season. And the price of Champagne is just too prohibiative - how would we make any money if we plied them with Dom Perignom all evening.

I was wondering if I did a bit of hunting around the back garden and maybe the local park that I would be able to solve the snail shortage. I am in a bit of a quandary however, about the horsemeat. I have heard that horsemeat is used in dog food – do you think they would know the difference? Maybe a nice meat pie? At least when they got home their hair would be nice and glossy!

Apart from that they seem quite nice and they have had showers which goes some way to dispel the myth that the French are soap dodgers, (maybe its just the women and their hairy armpits!) and neither do they seem to want to smoke foul smelling cigarettes like Galouise or Gitanes all the time while listening to Edith Piaf or Charles Aznavour. They seem to be into le Rap or le Techno.

Of course I can’t forgive them everything, like beating us at Rugby during this seasons 6 Nations tournament (but then every team except Italy beat us – I can forgive them but not the French – its genetic I think – maybe I had relations at Waterloo or Agincourt – where I will remind you, we did beat the French – soundly!)

They are off home tomorrow, back to Orleans – the old one in France, not the New one in America. But there is a speck of light on the horizon, in a week or two we have two more French students staying with us. French Teenage Girls!!!! I have washed my dressing gown in anticipation and am thinking about breaking the lock in the bathroom or even hidden web cams – now that’s an idea, a pretty pervy one I know, but its an idea. I could set it up as pay per view and stream it onto the internet!


Yes as you can see I am an internationalist of the first order and welcome all into my home. With out exception! If I will let the French into my life I can get on with anyone, (the jury is out on Norwegians and the Finns at the moment) with out exception (o and maybe Australians), I don’t judge (New Zealanders - who wants them in their homes talking about sheep all the time?) I don’t make snap judgements (Americans are soooo loud) or resort to petty stereotypes (Just because it’s St Patrick’s Day doesn’t make me want to love the Irish more). No I welcome all with an open heart and an open mind. Live and Let Live that’s my motto and a bloody good Bond film it was and all.


Sorry no Germans!