Research Report

Aim of Research
To get out of my office and travel the highways and byways of SW England earning my salary, visiting schools, eating motorway sandwiches and driving too quickly in rental car while thinking about future blogs.


Executive summary

An interesting by product of this research is that I now seem to be suffering from DVT (Deep Vein Thrombosis) from sitting in my car for the last four days. Also my arse has probably grown an inch along with my stomach due to the intake of crap Service Station Sandwiches. (and chocolate!)

I have driven about 1500 miles in the last 4 days this is equivalent to driving to my wife’s house in Vinnitsa, Ukraine (which I did in the summer)

I was about to rant about the bad driving behaviour of all the other drivers on the road this week, but realised that probably somewhere in the blog world somebody else is ranting about my bad driving behaviour so all is equal.

I am only worried about one possible speeding fine

Methodology
Drive rented Car (Ford Focus) at extreme speeds through the highways and byways of South West England visiting Schools and talking to 17/18 yr old students (mainly young women!) trying not to get flashed (by speed cameras of course, what else!) trying to generate interesting insights into the cynical marketing ploys of this great University. This amounts to 40 minutes talking and usually about 8 hours driving to get there and back.

And yes in this case I have to do it all again next week! And go to Cardiff as well! (This is a bonus because I am moving house next week!)


Research Findings

The main findings of the research are as follows:

A. It is winter so all the teenage schoolgirls are wearing thick sweaters and jackets which of course impacts directly upon my work enjoyment and satisfaction levels
B. There seems to be a direct correlation and inverse relationship between the urgency of needing a toilet and the availability of ‘comfort stops’
C. Sandwich choice for vegetarians in service stations are limited to Cheese Ploughmans and Cheese and Onion (egg don’t count)
D. I have heard the Band Aid record 15 times on the radio which is 14 times too many.
E. 4 hours of chewing gum results in a locked jaw
F. Drivers with hats equals slow drivers - why?

Conclusions
Get off fat arse and do more exercise to counteract the sandwiches and crisps diet favoured by travelling salesmen

Try to stop at roadside supermarkets and buy fresh fruit and healthy things for lunch

Think about summer and the unveiling of the belly buttons again

Buy one of those radar things which clocks the speed traps ahead or drive more slowly

Play soothing music on cd player rather than inane radio FM – I favour Motorhead

Beautiful women in fast cars will not stop for anonymous sex in a lay-by despite one’s fantasies when bored in traffic jams