Old Old Old!!!

I think I’m getting old.

While I have been away from my office and thus unable to blog I have been planning two great blogs. Blogs which would have had you all roaring with laughter, and leaving multiple comments congratulating me on my wit and writing skills. The trouble is I have completely forgotten what I was going to write about. I fear to mention this but I think I have had what Terry Wogan calls a ‘senior moment’!

A ‘senior moment’ is, for example, one of those times when you enter a room with purpose, but the moment you are in the room you find you have forgotten why you came into the room in the first place – a senior moment!

Now I have passed fifty I guess I must get used to these things happening to me and come to terms with it. Like for example, the other day I went into town with 20 Euros in my pocket with the express purpose of exchanging them for real money. Now I know I didn’t change them and I know they were in the little change pocket of a pair of jeans I was wearing, but for the life of me I can’t find those jeans let alone the Euros.

My body seems to be in cahoots with my brain to let me down too. I have a none specific ache in my left foot, which seems to creak alarmingly when I flex it. This never happened when I was 20 or 30 and my legs seem to ache a lot and I am starting to crave Werthers Originals. Of course I have to have a different pair of glasses for every activity. Last time I went to the opticians he suggested bi-focals. I refused as they would be the first step on the slippery slope to old agedness and a sign to one and all that I was no longer at the peak of my powers.

Another thing that worries me is the fact that I can now get Car Insurance from SAGA. I know it would be cheaper but I know that if I were to buy it I could see myself 5 years in the future on a SAGA holiday, wearing my bi-focals, in a nice comfy beige crimpline ‘activity’ suit bought for 5 quid at Oxfam, wearing those plastic shoes you can buy in the newspapers, listening to some git who’s just won the X factor, drooling ice cream down my front as I power my electric scooter (watch this video for some cool scooters -click on Guns Don't Kill people) along the pavement.

It’s not a pretty thought I mean with me being a Doc and a Rev you would have thought that my powers of recollection would be as sharp as a knife. (Although I do buy into the American system where everybody has to wear a name badge as I can never remember names).

The sad thing is that in the UK we don’t even have the comfort of a pension to look forward to. As far as the Government is concerned we all have to work until we drop dead rather than they provide for us in our old age. I have a cunning plan though. I will work like a good boy building up my credit rating and then when I reach a time when I want to retire I’ll apply for as many credit cards and loans as I can hit them all for the limit and then scarper to the Costa del sol or South America or somewhere to live on my ill gotten gains. I mean why not, if they catch you it would only mean prison and really at that age it means you’ll get three meals a day, a bed and lots of time to read and watch TV. Better that than some old stinky home for the aged somewhere getting roughed up by the nurses.

I hope that somewhere in my decaying grey matter something will spark and I’ll remember my original blogs because they were just so good.

O well time for a spot of tea and a nice piece of cake….where’s me slippers?