10 Christmas No No’s
1. Angelic choirs or young boys with extremely high voices singing popular hits – the Ace of Spades by Motorhead comes to mind
2. Marzipan – why?
3. Mechanical Santa’s, Snowmen, Bing Crosby’s screeching out some unintelligible carol or song because 1. The batteries are flat/cheap, 2. The whole machine is cheap, 3. They remind me of some horrendous horror film not Christmas
4. Nasty cheese based snacks sold in jumbo tubs (cheesy footballs come to mind). These only appear at Christmas. Do they make them all through out the year? So your box could have been in storage since last January – thank god for preservatives
5. The Office Christmas Party/Lunch (mentioned before)
6. Processed Vegetarian Christmas fayre which is the usual sludge but with cranberries added and put in a festive box to make it Christmassy
7. Compilation CD’s with every crap tune you’ve ever heard from the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s finding it’s way into your stocking. Especially grating is Noddy Holder of Slade screaming IIITTTSSS CHRIIIISTTTMASS, and that John Lennon Song.
8. Wife mis-reading the signs and buying you an aquarium because once in a garden centre you admired one (this really happened I took it back and bought some Doc Martens Boots with the proceeds – she was not amused, we separated shortly after!)
9. The sad Christmas outdoor light based competitions going on in many streets. (I blame the Americans for this - but recommend National Lampoons Christmas Vacation with Chevy Chase as Christmas viewing). Have you seen the cost of some of these lights, let alone the electricity bill!
10. Processed Turkeys filled with preservative, growth hormones and other chemicals with breasts that put Pamela Anderson or Jordan to shame. But hey it’s traditional. I think I’ll have the salad this year thanks.
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3 comments:
I am SO with you on all but one of these......#2, I don't know why other than it's heavenly stuff!
Eeeeeeeewwwwwwwwww no#2....gross!
Rob, I have to disagree with you on #4. Cheese-based anything is fine by me. Also, who is that other Michelle just above me? I thought I was the only Michelle on the planet so boring that I use my real first name as my user name. Guess I was wrong.
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