Why I Love Women and their significant contribution to History

Women – I just Love them, as you can probably guess from my last few postings and as its Valentines Month I am trying my best to keep that focus in my blogs. Yes this is the fourth in the series of Dr Robs Valentine Lectures.

You know, women have been around for quite a while, for more than a few centuries at least. It is true because I have read about it in the History Books in the Library at this very University. There’s even a few of them mentioned in the Bible, but that may just be a jolly good novel and the figment of someone’s fervid imagination. In the History Books the women mentioned there are usually Queens, Pirates or Prostitutes; although in the History Books they are a bit more politer and called them Courtesans, probably because it was only the Judges in Court who could afford them.

Some people would suggest of course that women have generally been behind the successes of the great men. But it makes you wonder though when you read about great men like Ghengis Khan, Alexandra, Julius Caesar and so on, because when they were out conquering the world they were away for about 20 years, and I can’t think that they took there wives with them. I mean most women balk at a two week camping holiday in the Sun on the Costa’s let alone 20 years under canvas (more likely rancid Yak Skin) in the middle of the wild steppes somewhere. (and of course having the wife around would put the mockers on all that raping and plundering that was par for the course then).

Nevertheless it has to be said that there have been some women who have stamped their mark on history so let’s honour those women here and look at their significant role in shaping the world and made women what they are today.

Women who have changed the World

First on the list has to be Boadicea, or Boudicca meaning Victorious, was Queen of the Iceni tribe of East Anglia. She led a rebellion in 60 A.D. against the Romans, destroying the cities of Colchester, St. Albans and capturing London. This was not a woman to be messed with. The sort of girl that you could take down the pub and then wouldn’t mind standing in the windy end of Twickenham watching the English Team hammer the French (a traditional pastime continuing through the centuries). Indeed she would probably have to be physically restrained from joining in.

She was described by Cassius Dio a Roman writer as being was very tall. Her eyes seemed to stab you. Her voice was harsh and loud. Her thick, reddish-brown hair hung down below her waist. What with all that destroying of cities and beating the shit out the Romans no wonder she seemed slightly hysterical to Cassius. Of course then they had no medicine like evening primrose oil or Valium to calm the pre menstrual woman down.


Next has to be St Joan of Arc. Now to get to be a saint in those days was no mean feat. It’s not like today when any Tom, Dick or Harriet can become a saint. She started to have visions and talking to God when she was about 12. The girls of today don’t know what they are missing. I mean they are now so fixated on fashion, boys and texting that if they had a vision of the Holy Mother, they would probably put it down to the six Vodka and Red Bulls they had just drunk behind the bike sheds at school!

No Joan was made of stronger stuff than that, she also seems to have been good at maths (another lesson to be learnt by today’s modern girl) why else would they have called her de Arc if it hadn’t been to do with her mastering of Pythagoras’s theorem.

She was also called the Maid of Orleans which shows how good she was at cooking and stuff like cleaning and laying the table. In her spare time when not doing maths listening to God’s voice and cleaning up she also managed to defeat the English Army who were trying to take over France. Good for her, I say, what a female role model for today’s girl.

Further on in History we find another women Queen – Elizabeth 1st. It was Elizabeth who almost single-handedly invented the concept of perfume and make up. It is well known that the Queen never had a bath and covered herself in ointments, unction’s and aromatic oils to cover the rancid stink that rose from her body and through her black teeth. This caught on amongst the common people who only ever could wash when it rained and then usually in a muddy puddle as this was the Middle Ages and soap hadn’t been invented yet. She was also a bit of a one with the men, although why she is called the ‘Virgin Queen’ is beyond me unless Richard Branson has invented a time machine and is sponsoring Elizabeth back in the 15th Century. She also enjoyed a romp or two with various Earls which seems to be a popular name back then. Like the strong women before her, even though she stunk, was bald and had a thing for guys called Earl (perhaps she was the first example of trailer trash too – remember Walter Raleigh invented America and chips, maybe some Earls went with him) she managed to beat the shit out of the French and the Spanish.

Bringing us up to date now lets consider some modern women who, in my book, are significant role models for women and who have made them into what they are today. Looking through the History Books and the serious research papers like Hello and OK I can’t seem to find any modern women who have beaten the shit out of France or Spain. Of course this is only a minor hiccup and it would be shallow to suggest that to be a good modern role model one just has to have got one over our European Brothers and Sisters.

Ellen Macarthur is doing a good job at being a role model. What with sailing around the world faster than anybody else, even men and getting to be a Dame! She seems to revel in being alone (perhaps she too is a martyr to her PMS) and being in cramped dirty wet conditions, I think Ghengis Khan would have loved her and taken her to invade somewhere. But the thing with Ellen that lets her down is why o why o why does she have to play Dido constantly when she’s sailing around the world. Doesn’t it get tedious Ellen? I know girls like girly music like Katie Melua and Suzanne Vega but surely when crashing through the southern ocean a bit of Motorhead or Green Day would do the trick. I can’t see her having a head full of pink candy floss thinking about what nail varnish to wear and forgetting to shut the back door, when the spinnaker needs changing in a force 10 gale. As of yet she hasn’t invaded anywhere or stopped an invasion by a foreign military power, which is, in my book, a bit of a failing, but she’s still young and maybe, just maybe, on this last trip she has been hearing voices from God. Well we can hope anyway.

So this is my way of saying to all you women out there, well done, think of the possibilities that await you in this big world, yes you might think that the pinnacle of your life is settling down in your pink fluffy slippers and dressing gown in front of Bridget Jones on a Saturday night with your man and a bottle of Cabernet but there’s a big wide world out there, so go and invade somewhere, ruffle a few feathers, become a saint – you know you can do it and this Valentines you know we love you all (except of course Margaret Thatcher who is still the most reviled woman on Earth)