Once again the day starts badly. My face is covered by small red burn marks caused by a frying egg exploding in the pan – another practical joke enjoyed by God at my expense – the merry prankster. I have to give a presentation to the whole marketing department later today and of course they will not be listening to me but mentally joining the red dots on my face to see what picture they can come up with! That I have had to get up at the crack of dawn the past two mornings has not helped my mood. Yesterday to get to a meeting in Bristol at 9:00am, (a time when I am usual winding down with my first cup of coffee of the day) and was driving by 6:00 am and today I had to get my wife to work for 6:45, leaving me to cook breakfast for the two new French girls currently filling our house with Gallic Giggles (about 14 this time, so getting closer to the target age of about 18/19).
These girls seem to fill our two hulking teenage boys with fear; the boys retreat into their bedroom and never come out in case they should, in accident, bump into a female in the corridor. It’s sad but I fear that the only females these two boys have ever interacted with are some scantily clad virtual heroine featuring in one of their Computer Games. I hate to think what they would do should (ever) the opportunity arise that some temptress were to purse their glossy lips at them and whisper ‘Kiss me honey, honey kiss me’. Maybe teenage boys now only get wet dreams based upon said virtual sexpot and not Miss Jones the Art Teacher!
(While I am on the subject of the French Girls, I can report that they are having regular showers and eating everything we put in front of them, so my stereotypes are being seriously challenged – they even have some English, but still look at me strangely when I attempt French!)
In the evenings the girls invade the front room and take over the TV, so we have been subjected to non stop music channels which are the only thing they seem to be able to understand as they sing along with the hits in quite a charming 14/15 year old girly way. I have, of course, been forced to watch the music videos as well instead of the more serious and intellectual programmes I usually watch like Richard and Judy. To be honest I don’t know what the music industry is coming to. The videos they are producing seem to consist of half naked young women writhing around and jerking their bottoms like they are demented. I don’t know how I managed to watch three hours of it last night what with Britany asking me to ‘do something’ to her and various other women getting covered in water, suds, and various other liquids (I’ve noticed that none of these directors have used custard yet – or is that just me?).
I have tried to contact Britany but http://www.192.com/ don’t have a listing for her, so I guess I’ll just have to slope off in private a bit later to ‘do something’ with her in mind as it were.
These videos do serve a useful purpose though. As one gets deeper into married life one’s er ‘private time’ with ones wife becomes a little routine, a little boring maybe, she might not be as adventurous as you, complaining that ‘it hurts’ for example, so if one resorts to the tried and tested ‘missonary position’ (pop quiz – why ‘missionary’ position? I though missionaries were religious and thus celibate – maybe if God’s reading this He’ll give us an answer) where the wife is lying back and thinking of England ( or in America, Bill Clinton) we men can, as we do the ‘bunny hop’ think of Britany or the scores of women jerking their bottoms. (Actually can any of you women out there explain both the mechanics and the physics of that jerking motion?). So all of us are catered for - result!
I have recently written some song lyrics for one of our blogging musicians, Mike Da Hat, he and his band have recorded it, so I am hoping that when the video is shot I’ll be invited. I do envisage it set around a swimming pool in LA or somewhere with lots of girls in scanty bikinis jerking their bottoms a lot. As I haven’t yet heard the finished song I am obviously hoping that it will be a bit up tempo or even hip hop as I’ve noticed large concentrations of bottom jerking in hip hop/rap vids.
I await in sweaty anticipation!
These girls seem to fill our two hulking teenage boys with fear; the boys retreat into their bedroom and never come out in case they should, in accident, bump into a female in the corridor. It’s sad but I fear that the only females these two boys have ever interacted with are some scantily clad virtual heroine featuring in one of their Computer Games. I hate to think what they would do should (ever) the opportunity arise that some temptress were to purse their glossy lips at them and whisper ‘Kiss me honey, honey kiss me’. Maybe teenage boys now only get wet dreams based upon said virtual sexpot and not Miss Jones the Art Teacher!
(While I am on the subject of the French Girls, I can report that they are having regular showers and eating everything we put in front of them, so my stereotypes are being seriously challenged – they even have some English, but still look at me strangely when I attempt French!)
In the evenings the girls invade the front room and take over the TV, so we have been subjected to non stop music channels which are the only thing they seem to be able to understand as they sing along with the hits in quite a charming 14/15 year old girly way. I have, of course, been forced to watch the music videos as well instead of the more serious and intellectual programmes I usually watch like Richard and Judy. To be honest I don’t know what the music industry is coming to. The videos they are producing seem to consist of half naked young women writhing around and jerking their bottoms like they are demented. I don’t know how I managed to watch three hours of it last night what with Britany asking me to ‘do something’ to her and various other women getting covered in water, suds, and various other liquids (I’ve noticed that none of these directors have used custard yet – or is that just me?).
I have tried to contact Britany but http://www.192.com/ don’t have a listing for her, so I guess I’ll just have to slope off in private a bit later to ‘do something’ with her in mind as it were.
These videos do serve a useful purpose though. As one gets deeper into married life one’s er ‘private time’ with ones wife becomes a little routine, a little boring maybe, she might not be as adventurous as you, complaining that ‘it hurts’ for example, so if one resorts to the tried and tested ‘missonary position’ (pop quiz – why ‘missionary’ position? I though missionaries were religious and thus celibate – maybe if God’s reading this He’ll give us an answer) where the wife is lying back and thinking of England ( or in America, Bill Clinton) we men can, as we do the ‘bunny hop’ think of Britany or the scores of women jerking their bottoms. (Actually can any of you women out there explain both the mechanics and the physics of that jerking motion?). So all of us are catered for - result!
I have recently written some song lyrics for one of our blogging musicians, Mike Da Hat, he and his band have recorded it, so I am hoping that when the video is shot I’ll be invited. I do envisage it set around a swimming pool in LA or somewhere with lots of girls in scanty bikinis jerking their bottoms a lot. As I haven’t yet heard the finished song I am obviously hoping that it will be a bit up tempo or even hip hop as I’ve noticed large concentrations of bottom jerking in hip hop/rap vids.
I await in sweaty anticipation!
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