OK now I know it’s April Fools Day and I wasn’t born yesterday but who sent me the SAGA magazine? As you well know this magazine is for OLD people, people who are considering what colour the pearly gates are, people who are, to quote Dylan ‘knock knock knocking on heavens door’!
It may well say on the magazine that its for people who are fifty and over and well, yes, if you ask, I am fifty and over, BUT NOT REALLY, in real life! I might well be 51 in real human years but I’m only 7 and a quarter in dog years and mentally I would say I’m about 25 ish. Also, although I do say it myself, I am always being complimented about my looks, I don’t actually need to go on that TV programme ‘Ten Years Younger’ and have dead things injected into my forehead and other bits to make me look younger than I am because I already do! People tell me. So there!
Also I don’t have any clothes made out of crimplene, in the colour of beige! I don’t shop at BHS, Littlewoods or other old peoples shops, the only concession to this is Marks and Spencer, of course for my pants (Americans please note that by pants I mean underwear – like knickers for men – but not like women’s knickers if you understand – I’m not that old that I have turned into a perverted dirty old man – I’m planning to do that when I’m about 60 – something to look forward to in my retirement!)
I know that when we go out I do like a nice cup of tea and a cake, but that’s because I am British, that’s what we do when we go out, it’s not about being old. I could go out and have 6 pints of Stella instead of a cup of tea if I wanted but lately I can’t cope with the headaches so well. And actually there’s nothing wrong with a nice cup of tea, wherever you go in the world people do offer tea, whether its mint tea in the Arab sort of places, black tea in Russia, or something that looks like cows piss in France but its still tea, its not anything to do with getting old – which I’m not by the way.
And yes I do know that I did look at their website when I needed to renew my car insurance, just for comparative reasons you understand, you have to shop around, not because they claim to be able to get cheap insurance for the over 50’s. I wouldn’t be seen dead with Saga car insurance, which is probably why their premiums are so high. All these old codgers driving around with Saga car insurance, having heart attacks, not seeing the road ahead and the hairpin bends because of their advanced stages of glaucoma or not hearing the 20 tonne juggernaut bearing down on them because they have their hearing aid switched off. That’s why I went with a normal young person’s insurance company and saved about a £100 quid too. See I’m not even in the very first stages of senility, I’m bright, me.
So ha ha to however sent me this magazine, don’t think for one instance that I’m actually going to read it, let alone send off for the subscription (which I noticed was half price special offer!), so your little April fool joke didn’t work – white rabbits to you and no returnees ha ha ha!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
3 comments:
Denial- not just a river in Egypt. Yep. ;-)
Lol...you want to worry....my neighbour brings me the Saga mag when she has finished with it....along with 'Womans weekly' (FFS), she I might add is almost 70, I am only '40 something'....why is she bringing me this gift???
you were doing really well until you admitted looking at the website.
I too am blessed with youthful good looks*, which I always say is down to the fact that I've had a very easy life. People tell me I don't look 40, well actually it's one person, the man who lives in my mirror.
*the good looks part might not actually be true.
Post a Comment